City Sinners

Vignettes of loneliness in manhattan

Lillie’s Bar, Midtown

She smiles and nods and flirts very very lightly.

Seeing him again and hearing him speak makes her realize that, while for a brief moment it may have appeared to the contrary, he was never hers.

But this time what she takes away is that she hopes that one day he can be someone’s, because she feels he deserves to accept love. And while she still wishes that the stars would align in just the right way, and that that someone could one day be her, she’d even like it to be just anyone, if that’s what it would take to make him whole.

She returns home alone, for the first time with her dignity intact, closes her eyes, and finally receives closure.

Fin.

They trail behind her like a line of ducklings following their mother. Some are more grey than others, some a bit smaller; others are big and move slowly, with a heavy gait, holding up the line behind them. They weave and wander, always in her path, always close behind; the pieces of her broken heart.

The Drought

He was a desert, and what she had seen in him, a mirage.

She desperately needed to find water.

TriBeCa

I found out that I didn’t get a job that I didn’t want very much yesterday. I was calling it my “ticket out,” as my current job is more than unbearable. Because of this, and because I’m probably an alcoholic, I decided to get trashed on $18 cocktails at work drinks hosted by said current job.

One cocktail in, I told my coworkers that I would win in one of those who can hold their hand the longest on a car to win the car competitions because I “don’t mind being dirty.”

Two cocktails in, I texted my ex-friends with benefits asking what he was doing. When he responded that he was staying in, I called him and giggled for 10 minutes until he said it was time for him to go to sleep.

By the fourth cocktail, there were five of us left and we decided to karaoke. More likely than not, this was my suggestion. When I am drunk I enjoy hogging a microphone and enthusiastically mumbling into it, which is exactly what I did.

This morning I woke up in my underwear with a massive hangover, so I ate a fettuccine Lean Cuisine at 8:30 am.

Untitled.

You are full and vibrant and I love you I love you.

I love you.

Small kiss. Sweet kiss.

The way you hold my hand. How you undress me.

Rest your head on my calves. Tell me your stories. I know you.

Nose crinkled. Those looks. That laugh. I can feel you here. You’re here.

Stop.

You’re there. You were there.

I’m dreaming. Wrap your arms around me. When I wake you’ll be gone.

Small kiss. Sweet kiss. It’s fading.

The way you laugh. That laugh. Your touch. I’m beginning to forget.

I love you.

You’re a silhouette.

Say goodbye before you disappear.