City Sinners

Vignettes of loneliness in manhattan

Summer Morning Sunlight

It was so nice to see your smile this morning.

You, standing there in your white button up, five-o’clock shadow, head tilted slightly, gazing at me, softly, confidently, knowingly.

When I opened my eyes, It took a moment to realize you weren’t really there.

St. Mark’s Place

I roll the glass along my palm. The absinth clouds it’s bottom. It’s 3am now. Her friend wants to leave. She can’t fix her gaze for long but when she does it’s on me. She’s drunk.

She coos into my ear “I’m a sad girl,” and then laughs softly.

"Then be a sad girl. Sad girl, be a sad girl."

Outside the air is stale and the street is empty.

I lean against the side of the building and she rests her head on my shoulder and pretends to cry, dramatically, lacing laughter between the brazen mockery of her own emotion.

Her friend hails a cab.

6am, Wednesday, Upper West Side

She watches him get dressed. It’s the last time, ever, she’ll watch him get dressed.

They hug for a very long time. He’s bent over the bed and she lies in it, her arms around him, pulling him down into her. She runs her fingers through his hair on the back of his head and squeezes gently. He removes slowly from the embrace and they kiss, lightly.

"I’ll see you soon." She says. It won’t be soon.

He starts to walk away. He tugs at the blanket by her hip, then by her calf. He walks away from the bed, and toward the door.

Before he leaves, he looks back at her. “I’ll see you soon, Lil.”

The door closes and she thinks she will cry but barely anything comes.

She gets up and marks the day on her calender with “Goodbye” in small letters.

Croxley Ale House

"Can’t we just have a normal time hanging out?" His tone isn’t mad, it is very calm.

She remembers what it feels like to lose someone; it feels like this.

27TH & 3RD

She wakes up. Everything is hazy and she feels the weight of intoxication swirling through her head.

"Why am I here?"

"You told me to take you here," the taxi driver retorts.

"Take me away from here, please."

She’s befuddled. As they drive away from the apartment he used to live in she’s sad for herself. She thought she was over him. And she is, she realizes, she’s over him, she’s just not over what they had, and the fear that she will never find that again.